Oct. 16, 2024

Facing What Scares Us: Fear, Failure, and Everything in Between

Facing What Scares Us: Fear, Failure, and Everything in Between

Everyone's afraid of or holds back from doing something. Why? 

a) fear 

b) failure 

c) (everyone's fave multiple choice answer) all of the above 

Beyond asking "why", I can't give the right answer to why people shouldn't feel fear or immediately solve failures--I'm definitely included in this lol. 

I can't tell you more than what research already can. What I can say is my opinion--I think both are rooted in change. Whether it's positive or negative, many people's current fears are because of the possibility of failure (whether small or big). 

And I'm not going to lie...it's all tough to work through lol. This post definitely isn't a quick and easy help guide for people to get over fears and failures (although if anyone has found that guide send it my way), but I hope it helps to reframe fear and failure in a simple way that helps people work through it. 

Personally, if I could meet the physical embodiment of fear or failure, I'd want to talk. Or box. Maybe both.

Definitely both. Definitelllly both. 

When I think of how to visualize fear, I envision this huge dark cloud--pretty much a black hole. It's something intimidating, swirling, and putting pressure (stress) in every way possible--and I'm not touching it with a ten-foot pole.

It's something deemed as dangerous, which tracks, as the etymology of the word looks like this:

Fear (Present English) > fere (Middle English) > fær (Old English, meaning "calamity, sudden danger, peril, sudden attack") > feraz (Proto-Germanic, meaning "danger").

We can track the root of the word--but have trouble finding (and sometimes getting rid of the root cause of it). I think the best thing we can do is reframe the root of how we think of fear--and that's half the battle in getting it to dissolve away on its own. Only you can answer how you fully understand fear--and in what ways that can change to help you get through it (notice I didn't say get over it). 

Here are some things I ask myself when I'm afraid:

- Am I afraid of something actually or the possibility of something? 

- What can I do to be less afraid if this is something I might encounter often? 

- Am I giving myself grace with this? Why or why not? (That's why not really help me put things into perspective when I need it most). 

I'll say it first--these are some of the deepest & hardest conversations I've had with myself. Reframing how I think of fear and what it means for me in the future has been something that has helped me grow. Fear contributes to so many other emotions--it's important to understand it to work through other areas as well. 

Fear and failure are locked innnnn. Prettyyy sure they're married or at the very least, super close family members.

Like I did with fear, here's the etymology for failure: 

Failure (Present English) > Failer (Anglo-French, meaning "a failing, deficiency," and "act of failing") > falir (Old French, meaning "be lacking; not succeed").

The same thing applies though--reframe and understand "what does failure look like to ME?" Once that question is answered by you and not societal norms or peer pressure, life indeed can get easier--because you understand something you didn't before.  

When it comes to what we deem a "fail", failing, or being a failure (at something or overall), the biggest question I always ask is am I internalizing it? It helps me to write it out or speak out loud, and that helps me see situations for what they are--not how the fear of failure may make me emotionally feel. It's a common case for a lot of people and a lot of things--we are our harshest critics, and in moments like these we shouldn't be.

When we are growing, we fail early & often--whether you're a baby starting life, high school, a new relationship, or a new career change, we all fail early and often. We give ourselves grace during these times, and one thing I'm working on is continuing that momentum of grace and understanding every day, no matter what. 

I just saw a Tiktok on this: There's nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so don't expect yourself to do that either. 

Allow yourself to feel fear out when it happens, figure out your concepts of failure, and most importantly--how those enable you to work through them. If you want to do something but you're afraid, do it scared. Writing this post is helping me dissolve some of my own fears, especially around the fear of failing. 

The quote for today's post: "Fear of failure is a far worse condition than failure itself--because it kills off possibilities." 

Amaya's Quote: "Fear of failure is a far worse condition than failure itself--because it kills off good possibilities of what happens when you try." 

I know this is long, but I say it all to say you're not alone, and everyone goes through these--it's better as a community to talk about them honestly and with empathy. 

your host & professionally certified yapper, 

~ Amaya :)